Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Ending blog
Due to lack of interest, and despite my amazing creativity and genius ability, I have decided to stop this blog
Monday, June 25, 2007
Noel Devine becomes a grandfather
West Virginia freshman running back Noel Devine has become a grandfather at the age of nineteen. Devine, whose amazing game videos became the stuff of legend on the internet, is a father of two, despite "graduating" high school last month.
"I be very happy," said Devine when he heard the news. "Ima taken my Englist enter exam in Morganville today and I likes to hear da good nudes."
Devine became a father at a very young age naturally, and his son, following in his father's footsteps, has always looked up to his famous father, according to Devine.
"He like me. He like to be a pimp. Da apple do not fall far from da bush."
The good news was tempered somewhat by the fact that former NFL great Deion Sanders has tried to take Devine's grandson away. "He say my grambabby could be a very good football players some day and he wants to make sure he can cash in, whatever dat mean."
For now, though, Devine still is aware that he has two children and a grandchild, even if he isn't sure where any of them are. Plus, he will start attending classes at WVU very shortly.
"I be majorin' in astrophyisism," said Devine. "It's like stars, and moons, and clouds, and whatnot. I think I be good at it because Coach (Rich) Rodriguez done tell me I already gets an A for this sequester."
"I be very happy," said Devine when he heard the news. "Ima taken my Englist enter exam in Morganville today and I likes to hear da good nudes."
Devine became a father at a very young age naturally, and his son, following in his father's footsteps, has always looked up to his famous father, according to Devine.
"He like me. He like to be a pimp. Da apple do not fall far from da bush."
The good news was tempered somewhat by the fact that former NFL great Deion Sanders has tried to take Devine's grandson away. "He say my grambabby could be a very good football players some day and he wants to make sure he can cash in, whatever dat mean."
For now, though, Devine still is aware that he has two children and a grandchild, even if he isn't sure where any of them are. Plus, he will start attending classes at WVU very shortly.
"I be majorin' in astrophyisism," said Devine. "It's like stars, and moons, and clouds, and whatnot. I think I be good at it because Coach (Rich) Rodriguez done tell me I already gets an A for this sequester."
Penn State football team finds success in Iraq
President George Bush, finally realizing that he may not win now in Iraq, turned to drastic measures over the weekend by deploying the Penn State football team to the troubled region.
"Drastic times call for drastic measures," said White House Spokesman Tony Snow. "I know some in the international community see this as dropping an atomic bomb on Iraq, but like the atomic bombs dropped in Japan almost 60 years ago, we feel that this will shorten the war and consequently save more lives in the long run."
That theory may eventually be right, but in the Middle East, residents are frightened.
"We hear things about what they do at keg parties," said one Iraqi man who did not want his identity revealed because he feared for his safety. "The horror is unimaginable. I don't think we deserve this."
Staff Sargeant/Recruiting Coordinator, Mike McQuery can't be in the field because his flaming red hair makes him stand out, but he has seen enough carnage to last a lifetime.
"It's not pretty, that's for sure," said McQuery. "Basically we just tell Anthony Scirrotto that the Iraqis were talking to his girlfriend and he goes all apeshit. I saw one Iraqi man walking down the street and Scirrotto went off because he looked like an Arab kid in his Milking 101 class. Anthony ripped the guy's arm off and shoved it up his own ass. Coach (Joe) Paterno thought that was going too far, though, and suspended Anthony for the first play of the Florida International game."
Despite the horrors, McQuery does see a bright side. "The team is really coming together. Every time one of the player soldiers goes insane and irrationally attacks somebody, the rest of the squad follows right behind, no questions asked. It's almost like they are mindless and don't care about the consequences. It shows teamwork. Sure, it may have consequences down the line but Coach Paterno has decided on a fool proof plan to get them back into the flow of society. When they return with the blood of thousands of Iraqis on their hands, and carrying the severed heads that they turned into ash trays, Joe is going to make them pick up garbage around campus. We know that's a little harsh, but it's something Joe feels is necessary."
The weekend did have it's fair share of comedy, too, according to McQuery. "The boys kept trying to tip the camels. They really didn't understand that they weren't cows at first. They learned quickly after the camels started kicking." Then McQuery laughs hard before adding, "All except (Anthony) Morelli. He couldn't catch on and just kept trying to topple the camel. He was hit in the nuts so many times that they started to look like basketballs. That's the kind of things we hope the guys take with them and laugh about when they are sitting in their prison cells down the road."
"Drastic times call for drastic measures," said White House Spokesman Tony Snow. "I know some in the international community see this as dropping an atomic bomb on Iraq, but like the atomic bombs dropped in Japan almost 60 years ago, we feel that this will shorten the war and consequently save more lives in the long run."
That theory may eventually be right, but in the Middle East, residents are frightened.
"We hear things about what they do at keg parties," said one Iraqi man who did not want his identity revealed because he feared for his safety. "The horror is unimaginable. I don't think we deserve this."
Staff Sargeant/Recruiting Coordinator, Mike McQuery can't be in the field because his flaming red hair makes him stand out, but he has seen enough carnage to last a lifetime.
"It's not pretty, that's for sure," said McQuery. "Basically we just tell Anthony Scirrotto that the Iraqis were talking to his girlfriend and he goes all apeshit. I saw one Iraqi man walking down the street and Scirrotto went off because he looked like an Arab kid in his Milking 101 class. Anthony ripped the guy's arm off and shoved it up his own ass. Coach (Joe) Paterno thought that was going too far, though, and suspended Anthony for the first play of the Florida International game."
Despite the horrors, McQuery does see a bright side. "The team is really coming together. Every time one of the player soldiers goes insane and irrationally attacks somebody, the rest of the squad follows right behind, no questions asked. It's almost like they are mindless and don't care about the consequences. It shows teamwork. Sure, it may have consequences down the line but Coach Paterno has decided on a fool proof plan to get them back into the flow of society. When they return with the blood of thousands of Iraqis on their hands, and carrying the severed heads that they turned into ash trays, Joe is going to make them pick up garbage around campus. We know that's a little harsh, but it's something Joe feels is necessary."
The weekend did have it's fair share of comedy, too, according to McQuery. "The boys kept trying to tip the camels. They really didn't understand that they weren't cows at first. They learned quickly after the camels started kicking." Then McQuery laughs hard before adding, "All except (Anthony) Morelli. He couldn't catch on and just kept trying to topple the camel. He was hit in the nuts so many times that they started to look like basketballs. That's the kind of things we hope the guys take with them and laugh about when they are sitting in their prison cells down the road."
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Panthers add tight end
The Pitt football team added another highly ranked tight end today, according to Bob Lichtenfels of Scout.com. Lichtenfels was told by a source, which is another way of saying he was prowling around the Panthers 7 on 7 camp and a member of the Pitt staff, against NCAA rules, told him that Nick DiLillo of Madison, OH had committed.
In a poor attempt to act prefessionally neutral, Lichtenfels then drove DiLillo back home, gave him some milk and cookies, and tucked him into bed. "I needed the affection just as much as he did," said Lichtenfels. "The Penn State fans are on to me and now know that I am an extra recruiter for Pitt."
The Panthers are still trying to add excellent West Scranton tight end Hubie Graham in an attempt to run Matt Cavanaugh's new ten tight end offense. It is just another experimental move undertaken by the Panthers staff following the announcement of Paul Rhoades' new defense, called "The Tommie Campbell", that employs linebackers with no discernable talent.
The Pantherlair, showing their incompetence again, quickly followed suit and reported that DiLillo had committed, forgetting to cite Lichtenfels as their source. Lichtenfels was busy giving Pitt head coach Dave Wannstedt a sponge bath and could not answer more questions, but Panther Digest moderator Chris94, defending his Lord to the death, released a statement:
"We here at Panthers Digest, and all God fearing people in the Universe, knows that Bob craps long S-shaped God bars and pisses pink lemonade. While any rational person would have to assume that Bob is being very unprofessional in the way he does business, and quite frankly alienates many people with his massive ego and childlike cluelessness, I have decided that is okay because as a moderator I get the information for free, even if non-paying members get the exact same info three seconds later."
In a poor attempt to act prefessionally neutral, Lichtenfels then drove DiLillo back home, gave him some milk and cookies, and tucked him into bed. "I needed the affection just as much as he did," said Lichtenfels. "The Penn State fans are on to me and now know that I am an extra recruiter for Pitt."
The Panthers are still trying to add excellent West Scranton tight end Hubie Graham in an attempt to run Matt Cavanaugh's new ten tight end offense. It is just another experimental move undertaken by the Panthers staff following the announcement of Paul Rhoades' new defense, called "The Tommie Campbell", that employs linebackers with no discernable talent.
The Pantherlair, showing their incompetence again, quickly followed suit and reported that DiLillo had committed, forgetting to cite Lichtenfels as their source. Lichtenfels was busy giving Pitt head coach Dave Wannstedt a sponge bath and could not answer more questions, but Panther Digest moderator Chris94, defending his Lord to the death, released a statement:
"We here at Panthers Digest, and all God fearing people in the Universe, knows that Bob craps long S-shaped God bars and pisses pink lemonade. While any rational person would have to assume that Bob is being very unprofessional in the way he does business, and quite frankly alienates many people with his massive ego and childlike cluelessness, I have decided that is okay because as a moderator I get the information for free, even if non-paying members get the exact same info three seconds later."
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Terrelle Pryor finds an SUV while returning from Ohio State
You may think it's lucky to be the best prospect in the country but if you are Jeannette quarterback Terrelle Pryor, you could be even luckier.
In an exclusive interview with Pryor on Friday evening, Pryor tells us that he was driving back to Jeannette from Columbus on I-70 when he and his entourage passed a brand new black Lexus RX 350.
"We weren't on the road for long," said Pryor. "We were almost to Zanesville when we saw it. We just looked at it because it was so beautiful and we wondered why it broke down. But then as we got closer we saw a lot of balloons flying above a giant billboard right beside the car. It read 'Terrelle Pryor this is for you'. We thought that was amazing because while we were still in Columbus Jim Tressel told me to look for a sign as to where I should go. I like to think God spoke to me on that highway."
Pryor and his entourage of hanger ons pulled over and sure enough the keys were in it. "We think the little red angel left them," said Pryor. "I guess that's what he was. He was dressed in a red sweater and dove behind a buckeye tree as we pulled over."
It was part of an experience that Pryor says he will never forget. "The whole trip was blessed," claims the superstar. "I kept accidently running into former Ohio State stars, which was cool because they aren't allowed to talk to you unless it's accidental. But everytime I turned a corner there was another one. Then I ran into a big Ohio State fan who offered me a job where I can make $500 a week washing dishes- my own dishes. So I thought that was cool, too."
Pryor won't say if the Buckeyes are a leader now and may wait awhile to make a final decision. "I have a lot more visits left and some of them are down south," said Pryor. "They are very religous down there. Who knows? Maybe God will speak to me there, too."
In an exclusive interview with Pryor on Friday evening, Pryor tells us that he was driving back to Jeannette from Columbus on I-70 when he and his entourage passed a brand new black Lexus RX 350.
"We weren't on the road for long," said Pryor. "We were almost to Zanesville when we saw it. We just looked at it because it was so beautiful and we wondered why it broke down. But then as we got closer we saw a lot of balloons flying above a giant billboard right beside the car. It read 'Terrelle Pryor this is for you'. We thought that was amazing because while we were still in Columbus Jim Tressel told me to look for a sign as to where I should go. I like to think God spoke to me on that highway."
Pryor and his entourage of hanger ons pulled over and sure enough the keys were in it. "We think the little red angel left them," said Pryor. "I guess that's what he was. He was dressed in a red sweater and dove behind a buckeye tree as we pulled over."
It was part of an experience that Pryor says he will never forget. "The whole trip was blessed," claims the superstar. "I kept accidently running into former Ohio State stars, which was cool because they aren't allowed to talk to you unless it's accidental. But everytime I turned a corner there was another one. Then I ran into a big Ohio State fan who offered me a job where I can make $500 a week washing dishes- my own dishes. So I thought that was cool, too."
Pryor won't say if the Buckeyes are a leader now and may wait awhile to make a final decision. "I have a lot more visits left and some of them are down south," said Pryor. "They are very religous down there. Who knows? Maybe God will speak to me there, too."
Friday, June 22, 2007
WAR ROOM!!!
It's Friday which means it's time for War Room. The War Room is targeted towards our customers stupid enough to pay for it. We ask that all misinformation reported in the War Room MUST stay right here! That’s the way this deal works. If it got out that we don't know what we are talking about we will never get anybody else to pay. The War Room is one of our more popular features...thank you all for keeping the information on this board. Yes, the info is THAT good.
Keep it here but it looks like Lucas Nix will be a Panther within the next two weeks. We read that he's good.
Dave Wannstedt is Pitt's head coach and he used to coach for the Miami Dolphins. He also has a mustache.
Schenley center DeJaun Blair is eligible to play for Pitt next season- or maybe not. More on that later in the summer.
Pitt will add at least five more players in this class. You heard it here first.
Big offensive tackle RJ Dill was at camp this week. Despite being 6'8" and 300 pounds, we like him at wide receiver.
We have crunched the numbers and we think before this class is complete the Panthers will accumulate 4 QB's, 2 RB's, 1 WR, 5 TE's, and no defensive players. Or 14 cornerbacks.
Averin Collier.
I once ran over a small child while going to the bank and she had to go to intensive care. Ugh. Why is it always me? Ever feel like that? And I wasn't even in a car which was the strange part. We're sure Dave Wannstedt will feel like that this year if he can't find a consistent running game, know what I mean?
Well, this was fun and remember to keep all of this top secret info to yourselves. See you next week!!
Keep it here but it looks like Lucas Nix will be a Panther within the next two weeks. We read that he's good.
Dave Wannstedt is Pitt's head coach and he used to coach for the Miami Dolphins. He also has a mustache.
Schenley center DeJaun Blair is eligible to play for Pitt next season- or maybe not. More on that later in the summer.
Pitt will add at least five more players in this class. You heard it here first.
Big offensive tackle RJ Dill was at camp this week. Despite being 6'8" and 300 pounds, we like him at wide receiver.
We have crunched the numbers and we think before this class is complete the Panthers will accumulate 4 QB's, 2 RB's, 1 WR, 5 TE's, and no defensive players. Or 14 cornerbacks.
Averin Collier.
I once ran over a small child while going to the bank and she had to go to intensive care. Ugh. Why is it always me? Ever feel like that? And I wasn't even in a car which was the strange part. We're sure Dave Wannstedt will feel like that this year if he can't find a consistent running game, know what I mean?
Well, this was fun and remember to keep all of this top secret info to yourselves. See you next week!!
Pitt Guru comes out of retirement
Harry Psaros, known worldwide, or at the very least Butler County, as the Pitt Guru, has come out of retirement. This is not a shocking development since he is battling PSR's Chris Dokish for the amount of recruiting sites he will work on, but what IS shocking is that it happened so soon.
Psaros, hereby known in this article as the Guru, left Rivals after realizing Pantherlair publisher Jim Snyder was, in the Guru's words, "crazier than a shithouse rat". (Ed. note- Scrivals verified this with over 1,000 people).
What the Guru did not realize when making his move to Panther Digest was that he no longer had Snyder's incompetence to distract everybody from himself. The result was that the Guru, never considered to be a fully functioning adult in the first place, was now exposed as completely insane. This first became clear when the Guru claimed his son, christened Saint Maximos the Hut Burner Psaros, took a dump during his baptism, which the Guru dubbed "a sacred poop". He thought, according to what can only be described as his manifesto, that this was proven when LeSean McCoy committed to the Panthers that day. Saint Maximos the Hut Burner could not be reached for comment, but his publicist later sent a message from him in which he replied, "Oh dear God, why me?"
But now the Guru has put all of that behind him as Scrivals sources can now reveal that he was again seen stalking teenage boys at the Pittsburgh International Airport. Our source gave chase to ask the Guru which high school football player he was waiting for to come off the plane, but the Guru scampered off after finding his target, yelling, "My son shit today so I know you will be our much needed linebacker!!"
After hearing this news, we at Scrivals worked the phones to see which of the networks had hired him, and more, importantly, why. We asked both Jim Snyder of the Pantherlair and Bob Lichtenfels of Panther Digest for a comment. Snyder was busy staring at a wall, so he didn't have much time, but he did deny that the Guru was working for him and that "Z#2 rules!!". Reached at a mud bog outside of Johnstown, Lichtenfels said, "Whassup, nigga?". Lichtenfels continued to talk like a black 15 year old until we eventually put the phone down and walked away.
Thus, the only conclusion that we can come up with is that the Guru is starting his own site, a site that nobody but him can see. We wish him luck and we are happy that he is back in the game.
Psaros, hereby known in this article as the Guru, left Rivals after realizing Pantherlair publisher Jim Snyder was, in the Guru's words, "crazier than a shithouse rat". (Ed. note- Scrivals verified this with over 1,000 people).
What the Guru did not realize when making his move to Panther Digest was that he no longer had Snyder's incompetence to distract everybody from himself. The result was that the Guru, never considered to be a fully functioning adult in the first place, was now exposed as completely insane. This first became clear when the Guru claimed his son, christened Saint Maximos the Hut Burner Psaros, took a dump during his baptism, which the Guru dubbed "a sacred poop". He thought, according to what can only be described as his manifesto, that this was proven when LeSean McCoy committed to the Panthers that day. Saint Maximos the Hut Burner could not be reached for comment, but his publicist later sent a message from him in which he replied, "Oh dear God, why me?"
But now the Guru has put all of that behind him as Scrivals sources can now reveal that he was again seen stalking teenage boys at the Pittsburgh International Airport. Our source gave chase to ask the Guru which high school football player he was waiting for to come off the plane, but the Guru scampered off after finding his target, yelling, "My son shit today so I know you will be our much needed linebacker!!"
After hearing this news, we at Scrivals worked the phones to see which of the networks had hired him, and more, importantly, why. We asked both Jim Snyder of the Pantherlair and Bob Lichtenfels of Panther Digest for a comment. Snyder was busy staring at a wall, so he didn't have much time, but he did deny that the Guru was working for him and that "Z#2 rules!!". Reached at a mud bog outside of Johnstown, Lichtenfels said, "Whassup, nigga?". Lichtenfels continued to talk like a black 15 year old until we eventually put the phone down and walked away.
Thus, the only conclusion that we can come up with is that the Guru is starting his own site, a site that nobody but him can see. We wish him luck and we are happy that he is back in the game.
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